to better days

There was an inexplicable difference in all that could come from standing here looking down on the world. This was his place now, the only one that he knew and cared for. A prank that should have been caught sooner, even though he knew it was more than difficult to actually get anything past him. He wasn't thinking about these things though, about what sort of messes he could find himself into now. The way that the bag exploded in his own hands, and the scent of it that left him more bothered by the world than anything. The want, the craving, the hunger. It burned the back of his throat. Where she had found it funny, he wasn't going to right away. It meant a need for clean up, while he just wanted to go find a place to dive into more of it. A person to rip apart and enjoy it the way his instincts liked to tell him he would. But he fought it, all the time, these thoughts even when he allowed himself that minute or so to get lost in those vivid daydreams or thoughts. The way it just contorted around his mind.

In the heated moment he was able to flip her off, the laughter that gravitated to his own ears. But his sensitive hearing could have just as easily picked up from down the street. It didn't matter where she was or how, but the fact that he knew she had done it. This was how things led to payback, but the how. That was the part of the set up that mattered the most. She would see it coming, not for the sake of holding the same sort of abilities that he held, but for the sake of expecting it. Even from him, he was sure. Not exactly the most unable. At the same time, he also still realized he did once upon a time throw her out the window. It wasn't him, but the idea there was enough to have him questioning if he hadn't earned it. Deserved it. It wasn't him though, so it shouldn't have been let loose on him. It should have been when he wasn't him, not that it was much better. This was his body still, after all. If there was going to be a preference on what was done with it, he would like to know. Not that he was going to be gaining any sort of a real play by play or say in it. He knew better there, given things that had happened, not just with his own vampire like abilities, and transformations, but with each of the things that happened or contributed to his new life now.

Stranger things, there was a delivery at the door yesterday. The afternoon. Nothing he was expecting, not even blood packs. There was no scent on the box, nothing to pick up from it. There was an added anxiety and borderline fear of what was to come. The preparation to fight, given what knowledge he held over what had previously happened. The means in which everything had been corrupted and shifted in weeks to months, to closing in on a year now. A few short months shy of it. He swallowed at the thought, even though his memory was sound. A comment that he hadn't forgotten from February. All because of a photo where he wrote his notes on his body rather than on paper. He ran out of paper and didn't want to lose his train of thought. Formulas necessary for what his next new theory held and he just wanted to continue on with it. These were normalacies in his life. The things that he did on a regular basis.

He wasn't going to go off and treat these as if they were some sort of major issue. A gift was a gift. And if he were being honest with himself, he was about at that point of writing on himself again. Those notes on the back of his forearm did not count. Even though it was in blue and red, and not at all in a patriotic way. The pages were easy to flip through, now if only he could do something beyond taking a photo of his notes from his arm or even attempt to scan them into a computer. Photos were slightly more reliable but it was that smearing that was going to give him trouble. At least he could make real use of this. Just more thing to keep track of.

Then again, this could also help with plotting. If people were going to pull these things on him, what was wrong with him committing the act right back? Even the gifts, were just that, but they weren't on the best of terms. That much was to be known, and if they had been, she probably would have made a point of putting something about herself on here or dropped it off herself. He could be wrong, but what were the odds here? He didn't know or talk to many people. Fewer knew where he was. Too bad this hadn't just been yet another prank too. Maybe it was. A page here or there sticking? He would find that out later, but he wasn't flipping through all of these right now. He had things to do. Not really, but things he preferred to do, even with the speed that he held. He couldn't just constantly make use of that without having to feed more often and he didn't like to have to pull that more than once every few days if he could. Unless he knew he was going to leave or needed more. The differences were obvious, and he knew this body more and more, even with its changes. Studying everything he needed to, because that was what he did. Moving with his own theories, changing, evolving. Who would have thought these things would have been unwanted? The many people he could imagine wishing they were in his place. They could have it, even though he didn't believe that they would have been capable in any capacity to handle the blood lust that flowed with it. He had seen it, watched it, as the change set through. Memories held there, telling him all he needed to know.